So I spent the night in the hospital.
Turns out its stress combined with a heart issue I already have. I got some overdue tests done on my heart and its still ticking so that’s a good thing. I’ll do a post about the price of those tests at a later date when my heart recovers.
I gotta take it easy. I need to lower my stress. I think the look on my face must have made the doctor feel bad because he gave a little nervous laugh. I told him I have a special needs kiddo and I’m having to fight to get any help for him. He sighed, shaking his head and told me he has four kids none of which are special needs but he can understand the stress. I’m on blood pressure meds for the first time in my life and I’m not even 40.
Im not a healthy person. Its not from lack of trying, maybe I have a little bit too much frozen coffee. (If you have a Human bean franchise YOU NEED TO TRY THEIR GRANITAS) I was diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer in 2014. Surgery removed it, I had radiation to get the rest of it and was given the clean bill of health, cancer free in 2015. Its the good cancer, that’s what I was told. If you ever want to talk to me, never…ever ever say that Thyroid Cancer is the good cancer.
Playing devils advocate, for stages 1-2 its unlikely to come back once you get rid of it. Stage 3-4 have a much higher chance of returning and it can be at any time. 5…10..15 years later. So its unlikely to kill you and suppose that’s why they call it the good cancer. What they don’t tell you is that without your thyroid, you’re life is never going to be the same again. The thyroid gland produces hormones that regulate the body’s metabolic rate as well as heart and digestive function, muscle control, brain development, mood and bone maintenance. So…a heck of a lot. Once you lose your thyroid you go on thyroid replacement hormones that take awhile to get right. Most doctors go off a basis that hasn’t been changed since the 70s and the guidelines were also tested for men. Don’t get me started on any of that.
I ate healthier. I took a cardo kickboxing class. I felt ok and then it just continued to go down hill. Brain fog. Exhaustion. I’m not talking a cup of coffee and getting on your feet, I mean the your legs are going to give out post epidural level of exhaustion. I have to lock my legs sometimes so they won’t give out. I gained 40lbs. I get sick to my stomach on foods that I used to love. Every day is a battle to get up and do things.
Now add to that I have a kiddo who needs extra help. I’m having to fight to get his write ups from his Psychiatrist, fight the school from taking away things like recess for being a ‘bad kid’. We haven’t had the time to get an IEP together before the end of the school year and i’m pulled in four directions trying to get him situated for the last few months while also trying to keep on my feet. I guess my body finally said enough.
So I spent the night was poked and prodded and said to be in relatively good health but I need to cut down the stress. How is that even an option to say to someone? Today is also the A- games. Like the X games but for Autism. Children on the spectrum can sign up and practice to compete in various skill categories. Its a huge event with bounce houses, food trucks and lots of information. I kept DJ out of a game today to go to that event and now I’m bed ridden.
DJ misses a lot because of my health. He didn’t get to go to many classes while we were dealing with cancer and now I have to figure out how to get him to school. Last year he missed some soccer because I was feeling rundown again as it comes and goes. This morning he woke up, came to check on me, stroking my cheek and saying he would take care of me and my heart broke. He shouldn’t have to take care of me, he shouldn’t even think about that and it hurts to know that as much as I do, that someone else could do more. Someone mentioned seeking therapy and I’m considering it.
I’ve never been upset that DJ has Autism. I celebrate his uniqueness, I love the quirky personality and the way he engages with people (not his own age). I love his drive and his interests that most people overlook. I envy his energy. I only worry for the struggles he will have with other kids his age as well the Teachers who will see this as an excuse. For those who don’t know him and how deeply he feels. For those who will discount his intelligence because he cannot articulate what is going on in his head as clearly as what people expect of him. The diagnosis just gave us a term to apply to somewhat better explain how the world will need to adapt because I don’t want this little guy to change.